ITALY, WE NEED TO TALK
10/11/2020, Rome
Dear Italy. I know we have been hanging out for quite some time now and there are so many sides of you that are absolutely lovely. The food, the weather, the history, your beauty and your dramatic architecture. But there is one thing that drives me absolutely mad. I am sorry that I have to say it but I simply must -what about the recycling and why doesn't anyone visiting Italy talk about this?
My first week in Rome I was shocked to see how messy the recycling stations were and how much trash you find in some of the parks and on the sidewalks. It is not okay people; we can do better than this! As the swede I am I grew up with recycling (not saying anyone or any country is better, there are issues everywhere and we are all on the same planet) and that you took care of the trash you used and made sure to under no circumstances throw it directly in the nature. It is a prevelige to get this with the mothermilk; I know, but when I see adults doing this in front of me (doesnt't matter where; New York, Stockholm, Rome -anywhere) I am ready to explode and immediately get thrown back to a school disco somewhere at the age of 12-13. A guy in my class threw a bubblegum paper on the green grass right outside the disco club and I asked him to pick it up and he laughed at me and teased me saying "do you think one piece of bubblegum paper is gonna destroy the nature, huh?" Sad and dissapointed I first tried to explain to him that if everybody thinks like that we are heading towards destroying our planet. But he refused to understand what I was trying to say and continued to tease me. But yes, this is what I said, I was a mini-Greta Thunberg, and still very much am. But truth is that I am of course also very much a part of the system as well as I was back then. Little did I know that the top I was wearing probably was made in a factory were the employers got charged far from what should be tolerated as a minimum wage and made out of non ecological, as a matter of fact "toxix garment". Garment with cemicals not so many new where not great to use in garments back then (ok, I'm not that old but much has changed yet much HAS NOT changed in the last 25 years).
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My point is that we are all in this together -still, and will continue to be for the rest of our lives so please let's accept our flaws and instead of blaming (like I just did in the text above), start helping each other and taking action. Small steps, big steps; STEPS!
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And yes, I ended up picking up the trash from the bubblegum and threw it in the trashbin. And you know what -it feels damn good looking back at that event knowing that I did what I could; for both him and I; for all of us. But how does that small action matter in the long run you may ask -it probably doesn't but I stuck to being true to myself and doing what in the long run WILL benefit all of us. Whether it's a paper from a bubblegum or recycling at the sad recycling stations here in Rome.
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We have to do what we can because it matters, it matters, it matters!
A DAY TO REMEMBER
07/11/2020, Rome
A day to remember. A day of relief.
I feel as if we once again are ready to move forward and breathe the air of changes.
Positive changes for all of us -changes that includes instead of exludes and offer us a hand that reaches out for us to once again come together; united and stronger.
We are one and as one we shall overcome.
The healing has started and together we are moving ahead.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
STAYING IN
26/10/2020, Rome
Here in Italy we were yesterday given new regulations to stop the spreading of Covid 19 since the cases lately have been rising. Staying inside and spending more of your time at home definitely requires you to be creative yet active, at least for me, to keep sane and grounded.
For me it always filter down to writing and fashion. So more to come from me regarding these two areas for the next coming days!
Stay tuned and stay connected with me here if you'd like and also check out my instagram @martinaandthecity-let's talk and connect in these times of changes!
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DIVORZIO PER TUTTI
20/10/2020, Rome
Today I started thinking about the following; aren't we all collectively going through some kind of divorce right now? Whether it is with an actual person, a country, a city or something completely different.
For me it has been a divorce with a city, THE CITY. The city of so many peoples dreams, and so it was for me. A dream that I turned into reality, New York oh New York. It is still an ongoing seperation and something I will go deeper into another time. The wounds are still there even if we knew it was going to happen and something that I was ready for, once you rip the bandaid it usually hurt slightly more and in a different way than you expected. Our time had come to an end and we gotten everything we wanted out of each other, with its ups and downs. And with 99,9% ups, I will forever be grateful for my time spent there.
Due to the pandemic we have all been forced to see beyond ourselves and beyond what we perhaps thought we were doing on this planet and how we were all spending our precious time. Everything is geting pushed to its edge and there we found ourselves with more than a handful to at once try to carefully divide into different boxes to feel less overwhelmed. When it rains it pours, is to say the least definitely a saying we all currently are experiencing and guess what -the umbrellas looks different for all of us. Some of us are quick with folding up that umbrella or always carrying it with us. While somebody else instead never even bought one or tend to forget it at different locations -and once it starts raining, we need to quickly come up with a plan to not get drained in the rain, at least not all at once. But some of us do, and somehow we manage. We will manage being drained, all at once, with the feeling of not knowing when or how to get dry again.
But somehow we all know that it will happen, because nothing lasts forever.
Not even this, because even this shall pass.
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BE REAL TO ME
07/30/2020, Stockholm
Often times I think about what it means to be real. To yourself and to others. Can you be both superficial and real at the same time? Can you "cheat" your way into realness and when does we know when it is just that -real and for real; a conversation, feelings for someone our thoughts in our heads? Who gets to decide and who is the judge for passing the test of being real?
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For me the parameter kicks in and hit the realness maximum when I'm being told something that I already deep in my heart knew. As a teenager and a beginner of for example having loving relationships with partners, it was usually when I became angry or frustrated with my loved one and threw nasty words their way. I didn't know it back then, but most likely I had than heard a sentence of realness that made a bump on my ego. Yupp, not pretty at all but as honest and real as it gets. This without at that time having the tools in knowing how to communicate what I was feeling -the realness of the situation hit me hard. Sometimes it still happens but this time a small little flag shows up in my mind saying "hey, that's real aka refreshingly true and that is now why you might be feeling a fire of discomfort burning inside, let's see what we can learn from it". Okay, let's be real, I admit, absolutely not all of the time, but truth is that I rarely get furious more so sad and confused when hitting a bottom of this type of discomfort. Good or bad, realness is refreshing and when it comes with beauty in terms of souls and experiences, and is something that trigger our senses for the better, it's hard to beat the euphoria of that.
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When it comes to people I like to think we are all real. For all of the moments of our lives I like to think that we are doing our best to be real and true to ourselves. I genuinely believe that. It's just that we sometimes get sidetracked and mix expectations with our own truth and that confuses us on our journey, but it doesn't necessarily makes it less real. Does it? Something to perhaps marinate for a while and have a taste of.
Because let's stay real, some things need to be marinated before we can make a real decision.
CAPTURED IN THOUGTHS
07/19/2020, Stockholm
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Earlier today I spoke to my very close friend and we both agreed on how physical activity helped us both getting back to the feeling of being grounded. When thoughts are playing around in our minds, exhausting my body through movement can sometimes (for me often times) help out clarifying what it is that truly is calling for my attention. What needs to be organized and what is just temporary there like an annoying mosquito bite that itches for a while but after that quickly heals without leaving any signs of that it was ever really there.
The summary of it all is that I'm feeling so grateful towards my body and the way it is responding to when I give it what it wants in terms of movement and fuel. Simple yet so fascinating and something that I truly try to remind myself of every day. Our bodies wants to work with us and do the best for us. Even in times of hardship and sickness it is doing its very best to keep us alive. To keep us grounded.
Thank you body for letting me borrow you for a while.
Thank you for all that you do and have done for me.
Just a reminder to all of us to perhaps stop and show appreciation and salute the beauty of our bodies just the way they are and which the constantly try to remind us of.
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I CRY THE TEARS
07/07/2020, Stockholm
I'm crying tears that's been captured in me for a long time. I can no longer use the same way of problem solving as before. The doors are closed yet new ways are opening up. I'm exhausted and confused. Yet starting to see clearly and see a light in the horizon.
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LOVE MADE ME DO IT
06/24/2020, Stockholm
Many times I felt as if I've been moving faster than my surrounding yet slower than the average. The average mass that I am supposed to what, match? I know that we, the humans, wants to follow each other and feel that we belong to a specific group. I always had a somewhat troublesome relationship to the feeling of belonging to only one thing; one group, one job or even one person. I find myself having a stubborn ego when it comes to following the mass. I easily feel a restless ich and long back to a flexibility. And I am not talking about Covid 19. I am happy to adapt when it comes not to spreading a virus.
But I have also learned that the so called flexibility comes with a price. A price that I paid a lot for. Out of free will have I thrown myslef out from the cliff while the price safely was waiting for me far away from where I choosed to first fall and after a while land.
What I so far learned that I gained in form of a price is knowledge of what this life can be, how alike we are and how we should always try our best to go against the stream and daring to look at what's true. No matter what shape or form it currently comes in.
A BIT DIFFERENT THEY SAID
06/21/2020, Stockholm
There are so much that I would like to write about. So many thoughts that are flowing throug me at the moment. A wirlwind of emotions that never seems to ease out. Highs and lows. Fear mixed with fascination and uncertainty. The love is pure and right there to touch and feel, yet outside the stormwinds are blowing hard and in a speed that rips up the roots.
Nothing is never what it seems to be and everything is exaclty that. What it seems to be. If there is a seed eventually there shall be a plant. And the plant we should all nurture for it to give hope and strenght to every single one of us. I will continue to write. Write for the ones that didn't even had an option to do so and write for the women before me; the sisters, the mothers and the daughters. For everyone but with and through their voices shall I stay dedicated to express myself and never take the free word and the freedom of expression for granted.
Togetherness, togetherness, together we stand.
TA MITT SKIMMER FÖR JAG BRINNER
06/02/2020, Södermalm, Stockholm
The thoughts coming to me in these time is nothing but shame, sadness and frustation. Currently located in Stockolm, Sweden, I watch an America on fire. On fire for justice as a result of the opposite.
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Despite where in the world I am I will always define myself as a New Yorker. My heart goes out and I feel compassion to the ones treated with unjustice. Can't you see we are all the same? Can't you see we are killing ourselves? I pity us humans for the blinfolds we struggle to take off. Please, for once tear the blindfolds off your eyes and look who is standing right in front of you.
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I want to live in a world based on love, love and only love. Yes, you might call me a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. The history can and shall not be forgotten yet the history can not repeat itself, not this time.
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Let's stand up for each other, let's stand up for love.
THOUGHTS FROM A WINDOW WITH A STREET VIEW
04/10/2020, Stockholm
Collectively we are trying to get a grip of this life.
Suddenly all of us are together and at the same time being reminded of our own mortality. That we are all just a force controlled and created by nature. Unable to control who will be taken and who will what -get away? Together we stand and together we will always be stronger. We flow and we push and see where the wave takes us. But remember we can still ride it and control what thoughts we give power to while doing so.
IN TIMES OF UNCERTANITY
03/12/2020, New York
What matters in times of uncertainty. The spreading of the corona virus made me start thinking about what truly matters the most. In a city like New York everyone is fighting for attention. To become, to do better, make more money, become famous etc. etc. It’s me, me, me. And even if it from time to time makes me want to give this city the finger and scream out my frustration because of it, I also believe that to be me-focused is great, perhaps especially in times like this. Because the thing is that when it comes from a place of wanting to do better for each other, yourself, out of kindness, passion and the will to share what means the most for you and that sparks your soul, that will also give others hope and willpower to move forward and to find light in a situation that might seem hopeless.
When my mum was sick a few years ago art meant everything to me. Music, books, films, anything that made me take a break from the extreme pain I was currently experiencing, was everything that, together with the support from family and loved ones, mattered and that made me dare to dream again.
So with that said I want as all to take come together and not to underestimate the power of art and producing things, because I strongly believe it makes us understand we are all in the same boat. The same ship that needs all of us to keep moving forward and to stay over the surface.
Together. With each other.
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ARE WE ACTORS IN EACH OTHER'S MOVIES?
02/29/2020, New York
Recently I’ve been thinking about all the things we go through in life and how it shapes and changes us. Some experiences we wish we could have been able to skip and jump straight into the good stuff. Especially when it comes down to love. Some heartbreaks are so physically and mentally crushing that we might think that we never will be able to move on and we ask the universe -why, oh why?
On the screen while watching a movie these things seem to be the parts where we pay extra attention and that makes the film “interesting, fascinating, relatable, challenging” etc. But when it comes down to our own lifes, for some reason we rather skip those parts and tip toe to sometimes avoid the most hot burning flames frightened that we will be burned so badly we might have a hard time to heal. But what if those burning loves and situations are the ones that “makes the movie” -makes it worth continue to watch and keep the “viewers”/aka our emotions -evolving and for us to move forward to make the most out of our times on this planet.
All I know is that I rather avoid tiptoeing too much and instead like to walk with certain steps creating a path -whether it is in the mud, concrete or in the forest.
There can never be too many paths and sometimes it takes a while to see that the steps you took actually created one, but when you every now and then look back you can see that it’s there and it’s valid for the movie to be worth watching.
OH LIFE
02/25/2020, New York
Recently I’ve been thinking about the surprises that come with this life. The fact that we could never be sure what’s waiting around the corner (and all that jazz). How scary isn’t that? And at the same time -isn’t it beautiful?
New York never stops surprising me. Countless times I’ve been thinking that okay, that’s it, I’ve seen it all, I heard it all and I know this city inside out. But the city keeps on proving me wrong. Time after time I end up meeting new souls, experiencing new places and realizing new things about myself and my surroundings that I couldn’t possibly see coming and that somehow leave a gift of me feeling that I grew and keep on growing. Shading my skin. I never want to stop growing, I believe it is as simple as that. I want to continue challenging my mind and my ways of living.
From time to time it’s -oh so exhausting, but I believe it’s worth it. For all of us to dare dropping the guard and listen and learn from each other. We are all born with egos that are sometimes screaming for our attention but what if we challenge them to take the backseat and chill out for a bit? All while we are moving ahead and moving forward.
HOW DO WE DO IT?
02/19/2020, New York
How do we do it? How do we manage to keep sane when life disappoints us and gives us false hopes or visions? Or the opposite -when you feel the flow and everything goes according to plan.
I thought about it and a thought that scares me but also somehow fascinates me, is the fact that when it comes down to it, life owes us nothing. It really doesn’t. Somehow we still walk around believing that it does. It might sound a little bit harsh, but just the fact that we are here in this extremely strange circumstance we decided to call our lives is just really out there -I mean really out there. Isn’t it?
After living in New York for some time I guess I somehow have become more appreciative of things. Not taking things for granted so much that I tend to do when living in Sweden. Whenever I go back it strikes me that growing up there was truly like winning a lottery. Growing up in a safe environment surrounded by love and nature with friends in a biking distance away from my home. What more could you possibly ask for?
I love you New York and you taught and keep on teaching me a lot but you will never take away my perspective and my gratefulness of where I am and where I once came from.
A thought I wanted to share on a cold February night…
TACK OCH FÖRLÅT
02/18/2020, New York
One of my favorite artists, Laleh, has a song called “Thank you and forgive me”, or in swedish “Tack och förlåt”. The song is about her realising that at the end of the day the two words that matter the most for all of us are “thank you and forgive me”. She goes on talking about how we are given this life, the hardship, the beauty and the complexity, without any of us truly realising why or how. We are all here trying to figure it out. And the two words that matter the most are these to specific ones.
I couldn’t agree more. I believe we can never love too much or be overly thankful for something or regret saying “Forgive me, I was wrong”. The other day I had a discussion with a friend about diving into loving someone too quickly or “loving too hard”. The pain that comes with it once the love goes away or is not mutual can be traumatic and hurt so badly you might think the pain will never ease. The feeling that you gave so much of yourself and ended up getting nothing in return can get painfully present. But something in me strongly believes that there’s never such a thing as wasted love. No matter the outcome. To give of ourselves from a place of pure love without expecting anything in return -isn’t that the most beautiful gift we can give to each other? If the love is answered, great. But if it doesn’t it’s not like we “wasted our love”. It’s a never ending source that can never peter out. And how amazing is that?
So love more friends and don’t be too proud to say I’m sorry or I was wrong.
And to round it up this is another one of my favorite sentences ever being created -“Life is a game made for everyone and love is the price”
Avicii
Sending love your way,
M
LOVE IS LOVE IS LOVE IS LOVE
02/14/2020, New York
Happy Valentines sweethearts. The day of love spreading has arrived. How are we all doing?
A part of me truly wishes everyday could be like this day. In New York City it feels like 99% of every restaurant is fully booked since weeks back and the atmosphere is to be honest quite amazing as well as hysterical. Whether you’ve got a partner, a date or planning to head out with loved ones or not celebrate at all -it could no matter what, be a day of observation. Observe how we all are capable of spreading love, every day in an enormous amount and unconditionally. And what can be better than that?
Sending love from the city of dreams.
xoxo
THE BEAUTY OF STILLNESS
02/13/2020, New York
I’m currently sitting at the cutest coffee shop in New York City and a soft jazz is playing in while the server is whistling along in the background. It’s raining outside and the city shows itself from its best side. Yes, I believe, as long as you get to be inside, that New York rain is one of the most beautiful things one can experience. Melancholic, thoughtful and inspiring. It inspires me to sit back and reflect. Because while getting on with our lives we also need to reflect. Dare to stand still. Somebody once told me that if you never stop and look at the path you’ve created for yourself in life you’ll end up feeling like you missed out. And trust me, there are times where I wish that I could erase certain memories because of the pain of looking back. I think we all have those moments, I mean isn’t it impossible to go through life without them? But if we don’t dare to face them, they’ll keep on coming back to say “hello, remember me, please see me so that I can be released."
I’ve always heard that I’ve got too much energy. Martina, sit down, relax, unwind and just be -and believe I’ve tried and finally learned how to. I think the truth is that I’ve always been pretty good at it but it’s almost as if I, when I was in my late teens in my blood and bones knew that the next coming years were going to be hectic. Emotionally and physically. It was like my subconscious prepared itself for what’s coming. I was getting good at adapting, thinking for myself and coming up with new ideas -all to be able to keep going and keep moving forward. I always felt that I’ve got so much information to collect, things to create, places to go, people to meet and lessons to be learned.
So let’s take a day of appreciation shall we? Over the fact that we all are doing the best we can all of the time. We are on this journey together and have no idea how it started or where it will end. So let’s embrace the rainy days and get cosy in the beauty of the unknown.
BUY A TICKET TO MY LIFE
02/12/2020, New York
When I meet new people I often think of them as entertainers or non entertainers. Do they like to put up a show and push boundaries or prefer to stand and watch while others steal the spotlight? I see myself as a little bit of both and I believe it’s the same for all of us depending on the given circumstances. But when it comes down to dating I’ve always been drawn to people that belong to the extremes of one or the other category. Perhaps more so the category of “entertainers” or “entertainers in disguise”. I simply love being entertained and if I from a person that I just met get a tickling feeling of that anything and everything is possible -my head and heart immediately starts debating. “Let me live!!!”, screams the heart, “be wise with where you put your energy”, says the head. Thankfully, after not being a teenager anymore and having lived and learned a few lessons these voices are not arguing quite as intensely as they used to. The gut feeling usually gives me an answer right away. At least that’s what I like to believe.
When coming to the city I remember being thrilled over how openly New Yorkers would ask each other out on a date. I loved the concept that you didn’t have had to known the person for a while before going out on a date. Ok ok, this was a little while before the dating apps were in full swing (since I know some of you might roll your eyes). But coming from Sweden for me this was a “wow” kind of moment and I felt so freed by it. When you date you get to know yourself better and can work on things into always becoming updated versions of yourself. Of course this is not only made through dating, but I’ve seen it in so many of my close friends and experienced it myself.
What I guess I’m trying, in a somewhat stumbling way, to say is that no matter if we are entertainers or nonentariners we all need and depend on each other and that change is good. As a matter of fact, life equals change. Without no change no life, and vice versa.
Let’s keep on buying tickets to each other's life -sometimes to be entertained and sometimes as the one entertaining. And hey, remember all the tickets are for free.
TIME IT BETTER
02/09/2020, New York
“What is time”?, my nephew once asked me. A part of me wish I could have given him an answer that would reflect more of my own relationship with time -but (at the time) I instead felt that for the age he was in and the way he was asking me, the appropriate answer was something in style with how we, the humans, collectively decided how to measure this extremely complex and abstract concept. Luckily he seemed somewhat content with the answer I gave him. At least then and there.
Anyhow is time something that I used to feel chased by. And perhaps a part of me still does but way less, or in another way then before. Living in a city like New York time is something that you quickly become aware of that if you waste, you may never get it back. Growing up I felt that I was at war with time. I couldn't wait to grow up since I so often felt restless and that I had to act in a certain way to fit into the age I currently was given. I so badly wanted to grow up but at the same time I was afraid of losing my childhood. Or that the childhood would slipper away and that I would be scared of finally becoming an adult.
All of the above leads me into thinking that if we could go back and change things, relive certain moments of our lives -”now that we know better”, would we? And even if we did wouldn't we still be left with the same questions since we still never can truly be sure of what the outcome will be of our actions? We want to do the right thing, we take action based out of what seems right in the moment and then we end up with the result based on the action we decided to take. That’s the formula. It’s a tricky one, yet so simple.
To stop and think, and act accordingly to the heart, not so much the mind, I believe that’s what I so far learned is the best way to not see time as a threat but perhaps instead more like a collaborator wanting to do good. Wanting the best for us. Many times I'm failing at it, end up overthinking -twisting and turning to the point where I'm no longer sure of where I started.
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Somehow I assume that's why we are all here at the same time. To teach each other how to listen to our hearts. All to get as much as possible out of it and from each other.
What if that truly is the concept of time.
WAS THAT A SMILE I HEARD?
02/06/2020, New York
I always loved making people laugh.
Ever since I was a kid I remember this to be one of the best gifts that I could possibly receive. To come up with a funny walk, tell a joke or pretend to fart, all to make people laugh at and with me was one of the best things that I knew. I'm sure that it partly had to do with the attention, oh yes -absolutely, but a part of me also think that I at an early age realized that seeing people happy was like a ticket to their hearts. It also seemed to work as some sort of time machine. Or more like whenever someone burst out and into laughter the time seemed to temporarily stop.
And I loved that. I loved to see people embrace the here and now and let themselves go. It made me feel connected to them.
Lately it seems I've been embracing a lot of darkness, heaviness. Perhaps it has to do with the season together with wounds not fully healed. Whatever it's been, somehow I feel like I'm returning back to the light. The mini me somehow just want to step in to entertain and make people laugh again. Of course these two elements will always coexist and are more or less depended and feed off each other. I get that. But looking at it from a bigger perspective I know that I want to share even more moments of pure laughter. It's so healing, for all of us no matter what we are going through. I feel like we sometimes tend to forget that simplicity, in something as in a good laugh, possibly can hide the biggest treasures.
The other day I listened to a podcast where they speculated about whether the 2020 century would be similar to the century of 1920. If you didn't know this century is known for being one of the most festive ones where people let go, danced and enjoyed themselves more then ever before. It was obviously a lot of tragedy going on in the world by then as well as today, but somehow it's a century that's partly been remembered as a time filled with light.
Why don't we try and make this century the best one in a while shall we?
I believe we can.
Together we can do it.
YOU BETTER GET YOUR HUSTLER GAME GOING
02/04/2020, New York
That's right folks. I'm sorry for being the one breaking it to you, but if you ain't a hustler I'm afraid the city is not for you. You know what I mean with hustler right? With a hustler, in this context, I mean someone who is willing to be involved in several different projects at a time -"hustle and mussle" (yes, that was an expression I just made up myself and it's not grammatically correct, so sue me). My point is, or what I guess I'm trying to say is if you want to come to New York you better be ready for the unreadiness this city throws at you. Weekly, monthly sometimes daily. At times it scary and frustrating and you might feel like you want to throw in the towel, but for some reason the sparkling moments weighs up the less shiny ones, and I guess that's what makes one stay. At least for a little bit longer.
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Another thing you also need to be prepared for when, and if moving here, are the shit storms coming your way. With this I mean from the people that for the first time will visit you from somewhere else. Let me break down the "storms" that you most likely will be experiencing.
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"How could you possibly want to live here??"
"Rats?!! On the subway platform?!"
"Why is it so loud?!"
"Why don't you just move back home?"
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And believe me, I get it. I used not to. I used to take it personally every time someone visited me and didn't fall in love with this place like I did. Looking back at it I know I was naive. And honestly speaking I think I would have felt the same if I didn't come here at en early age with a clear goal and drive wanting to live here. It's ok, I get it now. Even writing all of this I feels as if I'm shit talking my friend. And perhaps parts of me am. But truth is that it all comes from a place of understanding and also starting to see this city through someonelse's eyes. And that my friends, I think is a sign of growth. At least that's what I like to believe.
The city expects a lot of you and if you are stubborn enough it might give you some glorified moments back.
But only, if we listen carefully.
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WHAT ABOUT IT?
02/03/2020, New York
A day filled with over excitement thanks to caffeine, finally made me sit back down again to get back to the topic that I in my previous post opened the box to. So here we go.
I came to the city because I had this vision that I would find a place in the unconventional atmosphere that I heard vibrated in here. Always feeling slightly odd and different I put all my hopes into a plane ticket from Sweden to New York city and -BAM! I was home. Immediately, with every bone in my body, I felt that I was finally home. I know it’s cheesy, but it is also the truth. Someone once told me that New York City is like a big gathering of souls that didn’t feel at home anywhere else. So this is why some of us came here. Our last hope in feeling that we belong. I know, slightly dramatic but pretty close to the truth for plenty of us. And now, here we are, all gathered in a beautiful, messy and unconventional little mini land.
I know what you are thinking, what happened to the topic? When is she going to get back to today's topic?
Well, to start with the city. Truth is that I feel like I’ve been dating the city for several years now. It’s been an on and off relationship. A relationship filled with so many highs, yet plenty of lows. Plenty of misunderstandings, betrayals, tears and laughter. I feel like I’ve gotten closer to understanding the meaning of why we first met, and for some reason New York has always been there for me when I from time to time felt lonely or sad. Even though I felt as if I sometimes was going to be left alone, left out in the cold, we somehow managed to find the way back to each other. And perhaps and most likely, this relationship won’t last forever. Like most people we meet we can never be sure we will be in each other's life for the whole time we’ve been given on this earth. But as long as we nurture and honor the relationship we’ve got with one another it will no matter what happens, forever have a place in our hearts, even if it ends, or end up -lasting a lifetime.
With this all said I just started to dig slightly deeper into -that’s right, today's topic. And for now that is all I’ve got for you. Hopefully my love for the city has started to shine through and I can't wait to share more with you.
Thanks for reading and speak soon.
THE FRUSTRATIONS OF A MONDAY
02/03/2020, New York
After living in the city, bouncing back and forth for quite some time now, I realized that I’ve got a story to tell. As a matter of fact I’ve got several stories to tell and share. To share with you! I will several times a week, perhaps per day, write and post stories from New York City -the mecca of craziness! How cool? Ah common, I know everyone secretly have, or at least once in their life will have a love affair with this city. It’s ok, I won’t tell anyone.
Describe your story up until now would you? If you would write a summary of what you’ve been up to the past ten years of your life -could you? Yes, of course I could. But instead of the traditional way, I like to do all of this slightly differently. Big surprise Martina, yet again refusing to follow the set ways of doing things. There you go. A summary of who I am narrowed down into one sentence. I’ve got a hopeless rebellious mind, for the better and worse. Voila -enjoy! Just also know that this comes with a lot of frustration. Meaning you will most likely be frustrated and annoyed with me. But perhaps also amused and inspired!
So with all of that out of the way, let’s instead dive straight into a typical story from New York City, based out of a real event. Experienced by me or someone else. Unfortunately you will never know. There you go, already annoying. Please bare with me.
The topic of the day is dating. Dating in the city is the topic of the day. I mean, where do I even start. After experiencing the dating scene in the city of craziness -I’ve got one word for you -u n c o n v e n t i o n a l. To say the least. This is a whole chapter, actually not even a chapter, it’s a book -several books. But hey, let me at least start scratching the surface with the m o r e - t o - c o m e kinda vibe to it.
Yes, exactly that. More to come my dears.
CLEARLY, IT'S SUNDAY
02/02/2020, New York
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The other day I started thinking about what it truly means to see yourself clearly.
In an episode from Sex and the City, Carrie Bradshaw aka. Sarah Jessica Parker, asks the following -“no matter how hard we look do we ever see ourselves clearly?”
I started thinking about the true meaning of this and how I, in different faces of my life been so sure of who I am and where I’m heading so the answer to the above would definitely be simply a -yes. I looked, made a decision and started taking action. Clearly, as time moves on the answers have been of various flavours and something similar to /not sure/absolutely/define “look”.
As a second thought, I wonder if the answer to the question really lays in the word “look”.
We can spend a lifetime being stuck in the face of “looking” and with that thinking that we see ourselves clearly, when as a matter of fact I have a strong belief in that it’s not until we actually head out and experience life and whatever comes after (or before if you like) the "look" -the uncomfort of it, the beauty and the rushes, that’s when we can truly start seeing ourselves (yes here it comes) -clearly. Perhaps that specific question also tend to fade away and get more irrelevant as we learn how to embrace the many sides of ourselves and get closer to the source of our true identity? Who knows.
What if we instead added a couple of words to the question above and made it into “no matter how hard we look do we ever really need to see ourselves clearly”? Somehow I otherwise believe this creates a stagnation -we more or less get stuck in the “look” instead of actually taking action and continue to grow, developing and unfolding who we are -as we go and through the actions.
So what if we skip the “look” and jump straight into “do” and with that comes the answers we from the start were looking for?